It’s Christmas eve. And I’m full of anger and disappointment. Finally, it seems high time that I should accept my family for what they are - and for what they’re not, in that matter. All these years, I’ve been day dreaming that my family is an ideal family. One in which only the things of Phil. 4:8 are in the air. That would be a family I could take pride in.

But all these years all I’ve done is only fooling myself. Most of the piety we have is nothing but nonsense - it’s all just a kind of public performance. The greed is all too abound to neglect. Even the small things have become small rocks in my shoes. I’m greatly disturbed but paralysed by the fact. It seems there’s nothing I can do.

Driving back home from the church with my family, I honked several times - all of them totally unnecessary honks.

Even at this age, I’m still pondering about accepting the reality of being a member of just-another-average-family. It hurts me, it disappoints me. Though there are many things I could take pride in, somehow I just feel that these are all not enough.

My life has been one full of delusions.

My family is just another average family. Its members are but another human beings with all their mediocrities. It hurts to be forced to swallow these facts. Maybe that’s why I prefer to be on my own, to be detached from my past, to be detached from all that’s been known as the shaper of my past.

I like to be free. And I love dreaming of true detachment from all I detest. I just wish it could all come true.

But in the meantime, I suppose I need to get things done with my anger.